Easy Guacamole

Introducción (that’s Spanish for hello)

There’s a time in everybody’s life where they hit up a grocery store and buy a butt-load of avocados, only to take them home and forget about them until they’re almost too ripe/rotten to be used. That happens to me about every second week or so. With necessity being the mother of all invention, I’ve made it a habit to turn the butt-load of über-ripe avocados into a butt-load of delicious, longer-lasting guacamole which I then add to my burgers, salads, chips, or anything else I have lying around.

For those of us lacking the cultural background to know what guacamole is, let me break it down for you: guaca is just Spanish for avocado, and mole stands for mind-your-own-damn-business-and-accept-the-name-for-what-it-is. Clear as mud? I think so. Moving on.

I’m surprised at the number of people who go to the grocery store and buy ready-made guacamole (*cough* Sumedha *cough*), or even worse go to the ethnic aisle in their supermarket and buy some ready-made “Old El-Paso” guacamole powder. Like, what do you do with it? Just add water? Gross.


Oh Sofía Vergara, how I wish you could taste my delicious guacamole one day.

Anyways, because I’m feeling particularly creative today, I thought I’d make a post about my favourite kind of dip: guacamole.

 

Fácil Guacamole (that’s Spanish for face your guac)

Contrary to the difficult spelling of the name, guacamole is actually very easy to make and only takes a couple of ingredients that are usually readily on-hand. And the best part about guacamole is, that there is no unified recipe available online, so I can bullshit my way through this post and pretend someone’s grandmother gave me their authentic Mexican recipe.

Ingredients:

It doesn’t happen very often that you can add whatever your heart desires to a recipe and still get the desired result. To be honest, there’s no hard and fast rule to making guacamole, apart from the fact that you need to use avocados.

So instead of preaching what ingredients to use, let me justify why I chose to add what I did in painstaking detail:

Shallots
If you don’t know what shallots are, then you’re missing out on a world of flavour. Shallots are like onion, but on crack. They taste incredible good raw, but also caramelize nicely when sautéed. This is the ingredient that will give the guacamole it’s kick.

Garlic
You could add garlic to raw sewage and it would taste amazing – ‘nough said.

Fresh Lemon Juice
I’m almost certain that there’s some sort of science behind this, but lemon juice stops things like apples and avocados from turning brown. Plus it adds acidity to dip, which fares well with the rest of the flavours. Maybe its the acidity that has something to do with the browning…

Tomatoes
You’ll see many recipes that use tomatoes, and I guess they add a nice colour contrast to the mix. I put them in because just like with the avocados, I bought too many cherry tomatoes and I need to get rid of them somehow.

Miscellaneous Ingredients
What really makes or breaks guacamole are the salt, pepper, and other spices you put in. If you want to keep it simple like I did, just add fresh ground pepper and ground salt to the mix, to taste of course. If you’re feeling adventurous, however, you can add hot-sauce, cayenne pepper, cilantro (powder or fresh-cut), and many others that I would never even have thought of.

The Making of Guacamole

Guacamole doesn’t need any special skills, including a talent for cooking. I’m certain that if you didn’t have to use a knife to cut things, creatures like Macaque monkeys and dolphins would be able to make guacamole and have it turn out great.

With that said, here’s a bunch of pictures with snarky comments written below them:

2015-10-17 16.53.43You could boil the ingredients down to only guacamole and lemon juice and you’d still make a decent guac. 

2015-10-17 16.56.21The easiest way to tell if your avocado has turned brown on the inside or not is to take off the stalk and see if it’s still “fresh” looking. If it’s brown, then 9/10 times you’ll see bruising on the inside.

2015-10-17 16.56.59One more day and I would have held some pretty shitty avocados.

2015-10-17 16.57.33To take the meat out, simply cut a criss-cross pattern into the avocado…

2015-10-17 16.58.08…and spoon it out into your desired bowl. Some people turn the avocado inside out and scrape the shell clean with their fingers. To those people I’d like to say this: it’s 2015 you savages, use a damn spoon. 

2015-10-17 17.02.24With your avocados ready, it’s time to move on to your other ingredients.

2015-10-17 17.03.58Shallots are generally small and super potent. I wouldn’t dare using more than one. 

2015-10-17 17.04.30My suggestion is to try to get the shallots as small as possible, just because you don’t want to feel like your biting down on a whole shallot when having guacamole.

2015-10-17 17.05.393 cloves of garlic is a lot, but if you’re feeling like your guacamole will not turn out very well, use more garlic to hide that fact.

2015-10-17 17.08.20As with the shallots, try to get these as small as you can to avoid a nasty tasty mouthful of garlic. 

2015-10-17 17.09.24Add all your ingredients (minus the tomatoes) together in a bowl and drench them with lemon juice. At this point it’s wise to add some salt and pepper to the mix, too, or any other spice you feel like using. The reason the tomatoes don’t go in yet is because we don’t want to crush or mash them.

2015-10-17 17.10.54Next you’ll want to use a fork to mash your ingredients together – emphasis on fork because using a masher will leave you chunk-less, which I’m not a big fan of.

2015-10-17 17.12.12Once it looks something like this, you can move on to cutting your tomatoes.

2015-10-17 17.14.20I used half of the tomatoes you see here, because they don’t really add too much flavour to the mix anyway. Use your discretion when adding tomatoes.

2015-10-17 17.15.28With the tomatoes in the mix, all you need to do is stir them in until they’re evenly distributed and you’re done!

 

The Result

Honestly, there’s no real surprise here to whether it would turn out good or not. Partly because I’ve made this dozens of time, and because I’ve been taste testing it at every step to see what it’s lacking (like salt and pepper).

2015-10-17 17.19.39

The beauty of this dip is that I don’t necessarily need to just have it with chips, I can use it to make myself a California burger (a.k.a. the healthy part of a 2000 calorie monstrosity), as a salad topping, or just have it on hand to have as a side.

2015-10-17 17.19.34

In this state, the guacamole will stay fresh for up to 4 more days, which gives me enough time to add it to everything I’ll be eating for the next little while, including desert.

 

2015-10-17 17.21.11

As always, feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below and like or follow Bread, Butter, and Bacon on either Facebook or twitter for the latest updates. ‘Till then, try not to overdose on guac!

 

Comments

  • shahrooz October 19, 2015 Reply

    Send some to me please!

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